and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
