I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
