You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
