dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
