Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
