then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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