im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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