The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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