how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.