false alarm. still invincible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.