last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
