Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
