What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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