dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
