he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
