Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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