SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
