I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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