Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
