explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
