just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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