So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
