I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
