Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
