I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
