She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
