We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
