At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
