i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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