It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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