Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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