I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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