What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
