Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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