Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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