my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize