What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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