he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
