Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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