if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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