i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize