take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
