dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
