tell your sister to shave her snatch
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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