dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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