Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rumble strips road head = magical
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize