here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
