oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
