Non-Jews are for practice
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
