Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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