I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
