you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
