So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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