if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
