just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize