12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
