I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
