I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!