it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌