Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything