Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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