and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?